There is a lot of panic on our block these days, courtesy of moi.
One of the neighboring families are working on their house, which involves a lot of digging, which is on top of the digging the gas company did a few weeks back.
I was standing around with my peeps a few days ago (peeps being all the mature (read: retired) women on our street) talking about the pantry of one of the women, and the fact that something had recently found its way in there and was eating her food.
"Rats!" decides one neighbor. "Gotta be. Look at all the digging. Remember the last time we had rats? Remember? Then that car squashed one and it sat there for days." (True. Every word.)
"Can't be," says another. "Gotta be mice. It's that time of year when the field mice want a warm place for the winter."
"FIELD MICE! But there are no FIELDS here. Mice. Meh, probably a squirrel."
"Raccoon," says yours truly. "We've got one in the neighborhood."
Suddenly, everyone turns to look at me. You can always count on me to inject information like this into a conversation. Information that can cause disbelief AND panic.
"Whaddya think this is? The country? There's no raccoon. But we'd better be careful because they're all rabid."
"Rabid? It's a rabid raccoon? Oh, God. Oh. My. God."
"I don't know if it's rabid. But it did eat three huge holes in our kitchen screen."
"And then?"
"And then, what?" I ask.
"Then what happened?"
"Oh, you know," I said nonchalantly. "We got the screen fixed."
"But where's the raccoon!?"
"I don't know."
"It can't be a raccoon," says one of the neighbors. "Where would a raccoon live around here? Besides, I'm home all day and I've never seen one."
"That's because they're nocturnal," I say.
"What's that got to do with anything?"
"You won't see it during the day if it's nocturnal."
"So is it rabid or nocturnal?" asks another.
"Well, definitely nocturnal," I say.
"That can't be good," says a neighbor, and they all agree.
One of the neighboring families are working on their house, which involves a lot of digging, which is on top of the digging the gas company did a few weeks back.
I was standing around with my peeps a few days ago (peeps being all the mature (read: retired) women on our street) talking about the pantry of one of the women, and the fact that something had recently found its way in there and was eating her food.
"Rats!" decides one neighbor. "Gotta be. Look at all the digging. Remember the last time we had rats? Remember? Then that car squashed one and it sat there for days." (True. Every word.)
"Can't be," says another. "Gotta be mice. It's that time of year when the field mice want a warm place for the winter."
"FIELD MICE! But there are no FIELDS here. Mice. Meh, probably a squirrel."
"Raccoon," says yours truly. "We've got one in the neighborhood."
Suddenly, everyone turns to look at me. You can always count on me to inject information like this into a conversation. Information that can cause disbelief AND panic.
"Whaddya think this is? The country? There's no raccoon. But we'd better be careful because they're all rabid."
"Rabid? It's a rabid raccoon? Oh, God. Oh. My. God."
"I don't know if it's rabid. But it did eat three huge holes in our kitchen screen."
"And then?"
"And then, what?" I ask.
"Then what happened?"
"Oh, you know," I said nonchalantly. "We got the screen fixed."
"But where's the raccoon!?"
"I don't know."
"It can't be a raccoon," says one of the neighbors. "Where would a raccoon live around here? Besides, I'm home all day and I've never seen one."
"That's because they're nocturnal," I say.
"What's that got to do with anything?"
"You won't see it during the day if it's nocturnal."
"So is it rabid or nocturnal?" asks another.
"Well, definitely nocturnal," I say.
"That can't be good," says a neighbor, and they all agree.
4 Comments:
leave it to you to start panic in the neighborhood!! lol
Help me, please I can't stop laughing, I probably would have said nocturnal or rabid, "whats the difference", i'm still laughing!!
OMG! That is too funny! You forgot to add possums. There have been sightings of pssums in Broolyn. When I lived on 28th St. Tara cae home at midnight one night and couldn't ge to the door because the opossum was sitting there. She went up the stairs to my landlord who let her call me to ask me to open the back door. "Mom, I can't get in because ther is a possum by the door!" I told her that's not possible. We don't live in the country. It was gone when I looked but others have seen possums in the area too.
Hilarious! You're my kind of neighbor. I live in the inner city (read: 'hood) and I once saw a mama raccoon and her two babies come OUT OF THE STORM DRAINS. Tell your neighbors that :)
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