Things I Learned over Thanksgiving

I learned that no matter how many times you've made the same exact menu for Thanksgiving, it still takes all damn day.

I learned that our 40 year old oven could be repaired with hours to spare before Thanksgiving, work beautifully cooking a large meal, then totally conk out after broiling a steak two days later.

I leaned that it is possible to not really give a shit about the oven approximately 3 seconds after realizing it doesn't work again. I also don't give a shit how much it will cost the landlord to replace it.

I learned that I did not have glaucoma when I got that weird pain in my eye on Friday night. It was merely an eyelash.

It took a full 12 hours to figure out it was an eyelash, during which I learned that you should not Google "causes of eyeball pain" if you want to sleep at night.

I learned while Googling "causes of eyeball pain" that there are diseases of the eye so disturbing I may never sleep soundly again.