Crabbiness is contagious and the cure for what ails you

My kids topped me in the crabbiness department this weekend.

First was Harry, who, it must be noted, is also fighting some sort of cold/allergy as well as a demonic possession fit of terrible two-ness. For the most part, you'd never know he isn't feeling up to snuff since he is eating well and playing just fine. But look at his glassy eyes, unrelenting runny nose and listen to the frequent sneezing. Poor kid is suffering and his exorcism doctor's visit is scheduled for Wednesday.

Then there's the frustration. The wailing, howling, tear-soaked result of Harry not being able to accomplish a certain task a certain way, be it a pulverized green bean that won't for-the-love-of-all-that-is-holy stay on his fork, or the sock that just won't come off his foot or the toy that won't stay in his pocket or the mother who insists on changing his poopy diaper. I am left looking at him wondering how long this fit of two-ness will last. I've got about a week left in me. Here's hoping he's on the same timetable.

Coupled with Harry's woes, which are really my woes since this is my blog and I can make it all about me if I want, are Sophie's woes. Or, more specifically, Sophie's suffering of the Schizophrenic Six's. Haven't heard of the Schizophrenic Six's? It's when your usually pleasant and loving child alternates between being madly in love with you and everything about you from the freckle on your cheek to the fact that you serve cranberry sauce with turkey cutlets for dinner ("This is the BEST dinner ever, mom!") into a raving lunatic who defies you every chance she gets.

When you have a case of the Schizo Six's in the house, it is best to allow extra time to get ready to go anywhere because you will have to 1. argue about clothing 2. remind the child 272 times to put their dirty clothes in the hamper 3. argue about why it is not possible to bring every last doll (or toy) the child owns to wherever you are going 4. ask the child to perform basic grooming rituals 73 times 5. have a good cry and/or a stiff drink. Somewhere in between the arguing and the crying the child will fall madly in love with you all over again and will hold your hand, hug you, tell you how very lucky she is to have you for a mother. Then the wind shifts and suddenly you are a tyrant all over again with your rules and refusal to allow her to have a cell phone and insistance on good behavior blah blah blah.

Reading trashy magazines while getting a pedicure is a really good remedy for all of the above. A solo vacation is the ultimate cure but a pedi and Star will work in a pinch.